For goodness' sake, Your Royal Haplessness - give it a rest

Such a lazy accusation from the Duke of Sussex - apparently playing the ‘racism’ card rather than address the possibility that his wife's plummeting popularity may have something to do with the way she has behaved before and since their wedding.

He needs to cast his mind back to the happiness the British people expressed when he got engaged. How joyful people were for him. The British people eagerly looked forward to this dollop of 'fresh blood'. People commented on what a great thing it was that we were to have a biracial princess, reflecting our multicultural society at the highest level.

Then the demands started to surface. No homeless people were to be seen on the streets of Windsor on the day of their wedding so as not to 'spoil' the look of it; so they were swept away, and their meagre belongings confiscated by the Police "for security reasons". Meghan and Harry, the 'humanitarians', could have said: "not in our name".

They did not.

Then there were the tone-deaf, patronising California Bumper Sticker ‘affirmations’ scrawled on bananas for sex workers from a woman dressed in £1500 worth of Oscar de la Renta, sporting a £300k diamond ring.

Then there was the £500k 'baby shower' in NY, popping over on a private jet whilst telling everyone else to lower their carbon footprint.

Then there was the clearing of 40 seats from the stands of No1 court at Wimbledon so Meghan could watch her buddy Serena Williams’ match in "privacy", leaving the people who had paid for those seats queueing outside.

Skating over the confusing months of coat-flicking, belly-cupping “look at my bump” immediately followed by “don’t look at my baby” secrecy surrounding anything concerning Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor; more recently, we’ve had the "Ten Commandments" / "Thou Shalt Nots" for Windsor Estate residents should they encounter the Duke or Duchess out walking their dogs.

(Gene Hackman as Agent Anderson - 'Mississippi Burning' - 1988)

Bubbling under, we have the £2.4million refurb for Frogmore Cottage syphoned from public funds - and the news that it still wasn't enough to satisfy their tastes.

The cherry on top has to be the £million worth of clothes, shoes, bags and accessories Meghan has flaunted day in day out, rubbing everyone's faces in obscene wealth in a country where nurses are having to turn to food banks in order to stay alive.

This is not 'racism', Harry. This is revulsion.

Learn the difference.

Fair Use © Emmeline Wyndham - 2019

Princess Offpitch

HRH The Duchess of Sussex. Bling a ding ding...

Kensington Palace has issued a stern warning on their Twitter page as to how Her Majesty’s subjects may interact on their social media pages. It is thought that, shall we say, less than fawning references to HRH the Duchess of Sussex may have given rise to this move.

For those unused to hearing her official title, that’s former television actress, Meghan Markle. She of the steaming simulated sex-romps in stationery cupboards, and come-and-get-me-boys underwear shoots.

The netizens of Britain are advised, on pain of exile – or at least of a permanent block - not to “Promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age.”

Of course, all the above really should go without saying, but (your Royal Highness), whilst some may have stooped to base name-calling, it’s not your skin tone that an increasing number of people find distasteful; no, it is the obscenity of your out of control, grotesque cash-splashing on clothes and ‘accoutrements’ when a record number of people in this country are living hand-to-mouth. Not yet a year ago, you sat by and allowed the homeless to be shovelled off the streets for your wedding so as not to spoil the chocolate box scene of you tiptoeing, Disney Princess-like, up the steps of St George's Chapel in a Givenchy gown that cost the price of a 3-bedroomed house in the area you later visited to scratch crashingly cringey ‘affirmations’ on bananas in food parcels being prepared for street-walking sex-workers.

You decided to wear a £1,500 Oscar de la Renta silk chiffon number for that outing.

Then there was the £500,000k New York ‘baby shower’ you attended, thrown for you by your chums, with the “most expensive hotel suite in America” given over to you for your stay.

Correct me if I am wrong, but generally speaking, aren’t baby showers (only recently beginning to catch on over here) usually thrown for expectant mothers who are likely to struggle to find the cash to buy what they need for their new arrival?

That’s clearly not the case for you, is it?

Oh yes, we know. Mrs Clooney paid for you to fly over in an executive jet. We’re all aware you didn’t pay for any of it yourself, which, by extension, means we didn’t. I am sure we’re all grateful for small mercies. Your friends, no doubt, have the same “if you’ve got it, flaunt it” mindset you appear to have, so they probably wouldn’t have understood if you had said: “thanks guys, that’s so sweet, but the optics wouldn’t be good right now” - but you could have soothed any hurt feelings by inviting them all over for the christening party in a few weeks.

You may even have been advised that such a trip at such a time might be ‘imprudent’, perhaps even by Amy Pickerill, who has since resigned her post as your assistant. But you didn’t care. Bottom line is you wanted to go, and “what Meghan wants, Meghan gets” right?

For an actress, your tone-deaf inability to read an audience is staggering. It’s probably a good thing you decided to cut your career short in favour of an advantageous marriage, because with that level of disconnect, I can’t imagine we would have seen your Shirley Valentine at the National any time soon.

You decided to change horses and move on to a different job before you slid into your forties and the sexy ingénue parts dried up. Good for you. Trouble is, the job was to be a member of the British Royal Family. It’s a highly privileged position with luxurious offices in central London, but it’s a 24/7 job and it comes with responsibilities. Perhaps you haven’t much experience of job-seeking, but when reading through the spec for a new role, it’s usually a good idea to familiarise yourself with the ‘requirements’ before skipping ahead to the ‘benefits’.

Harry should have told you. We’re not big on flashy displays of wealth over here. We find it a bit “oh dear” and vulgar. It’s just not the “done thing”. If he didn’t, then he’s failed in his duty of care to you as his wife, and as someone with a clearly different upbringing when it comes to money.

We don’t like the smell of hypocrisy either, and someone sporting a $350,000 Botswana diamond, and wearing £thousands worth of clothes, shoes, and handbags, hand-wringing about women, the homeless, and the disadvantaged is definitely a bit whiffy.

Take a leaf out of your Grandmother-in-Law’s book. Look, we all know she’s probably the wealthiest woman in the world, but she’s definitely worn her Barbour more than once.

We sort of like her for that.

HMQ at the Kennel Club's Cocker Spaniel Championship - 2018

© Emmeline Wyndham - 2019